7 Steps in Creating a Healthy Relationship!
Have you ever wandered what is the Purpose of Life? When people are on their deathbeds, what are their concerns focussed on?
Most often they tend to say things like "Take care of your mother, the children...etc.." and not "look after the car"!The temporal fades away.....to what are the real important issues.
So It's simple!
We are here to learn to love one another!
Here are some steps that will help you fulfill this purpose:
1. Let go of judgement
.Loving people is about judging them less, allowing them to make their choices and be who they want to be, without criticism.As an exercise in awareness, count how many times you have labelled someone or something "good" or "bad" in the day.You maybe surprised how often judgemnts occur.
"Judgement is the great illusion that we are separated"
2. Let go of control
.We end up resenting people when they don't follow the rules we make for them, and in attempting to make others feel guilty, we suffer and so does our body. We are no more meant to control people than we are meant to control the weather!
"Control comes out of fear. Openning up to greater levels of trust, allows the universe to unfold it's mystery"
3. Remove the Victim
.When you find yourself complaining, are you acting out the victim? How do you feel helpless in the situation? Who are you blaming? What choices do you have, that can empower you? Are you able to speak your whole truth, being honest and vulnerable with your feelings? When you do, you will find yourself less affected by the other person's reaction and standing in your power.
"At every moment I have a choice. Will I choose happiness?"
4.Build healthy Self-Esteem
How comfortable are you with the idea of loving yourself? To have a healthy relationship with anyone else you have to love yourself. We can't give anyone else something we don't have ourselves. When we concentrate on our own faults, we see the same fault in others. Accepting other people as they are comes from accepting yourself as you are.
I'm Ok , you're OK.
People reflect back to us what we are. If you give yourself a hard time, your children will also give themselves a hard time and probably you too!
"Loosen the cords of mistakes that bind us, as we release the strands we hold of other's guilt"- Prayers of the Cosmos, Neil Douglas Klotz (words of Jesus translated from the Aramaic) ie. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others trespasses-KJV
5. Acknowledge your needs
.An important part of loving yourself is to acknowledge your needs and to learn to ask for what you want directly. It is the hidden unexpressed needs, that cause people to back away from us. When we recognise and express our needs, we become stronger, feel more whole and it is easier for people to give to us.What are your needs?
"Acknowledgement of our needs are an expression of love towards ourselves"
6. Create boundaries
Acknowledging yourself as a lovable and valuable human being, allows you to put boundaries into place ie. saying "no this is not acceptable to me".This allows you to feel good about yourself, rather than guiltyat the need to pleasing others. Fear immobilises you and stops you moving forward. Have respect for yourself first, and then respect will flow in the relationship. Healthy relationships are built on RESPECT.
"Fear is that little darkroom, where negatives are developed"-Michael Pritchard
7. Allow Love to flow
.Love and forgiveness are the same thing. We can't love and resent people at the same time. How do you love someone?.Accept them. Total acceptance is unconditional love. When we make the choice to love, we then understand. Understanding comes from listening and open communication.
"Love cures two people, the person that gives it and the person who receives it" -Karl Menninger
And if you want to know a bit more about how you can forgive effectively, the following are tips from Colin Tipping's book on "Radical Forgiveness", a must read.
FOUR STEPS TO FORGIVENESS
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it"-Mark Twain
1. "Look what I created" Take responsibility, but do so free from any self judgement, criticism or guilt.
2."I notice my judgements and love myself for having them" Accept the imperfection of your own humanity and love yourself for having judgements, they are a part of you too.
3."I am willing to see the perfection in the situation" Willingness indicates a prayerful surrendering to the Divine Plan at this moment, even though you may not be able to see it for what it is.
4."I choose the power of Peace" By accepting that Divine Purpose in the situation , we can choose to feel peace, become totally present in the moment, aware of our feelings and act with clarity and focus. Practising this four-step process as part of your daily awareness, is a way of being in the present moment -seeing the present in the moment.
What to do when some-one seems to deliberately try to hurt you?
THE FORGIVENESS ROSE If someone is trying to hurt you or control you in any way, simply visualize a rose between you and the other person. This visualization protects you against negative energy and helps you . to stay in your own power. If you can bring them and the rose together and allow forgiveness to dissolve the rose and the person into the light you may be able to transform the situation on the spot.